I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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