Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
