Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
