Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
