So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
