my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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