dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
