That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
