Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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