forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
