Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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