So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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