I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
