party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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