Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
