i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As shirtless as possible
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
