she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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