He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
