Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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