Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
