just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
