this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
