should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
