and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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