dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
