Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
