Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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