If that was your dad, he is hot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
