Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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