And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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