So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
