Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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