yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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