I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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