Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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