Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
