I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You ate ashes out of my bong
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