Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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