We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
