I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
