I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
