So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
