Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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