She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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