I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
