girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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