Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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