That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
