I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
