Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
