Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
